God is faithful

God never changes. Only my understanding of God may change over time. Thank you Lord for building me up again. Thank you for installing within me that boldness to persevere and reach out. That I can fully grasp again, that I am fully saved by grace through faith. Lord I cannot earn your love, but I do so want to help to advance your kingdom! The problem is was running in front of you, not behind you. I was trying to meet an expectation that was not yours, and so I grew more and more weary. What an experience. And Lord I thank you.

1Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: 2By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. (Romans 5:1-4)

Lord today I was able to pray for people and tell them about your goodness again. I saw sad faces starting to smile, and two people telling me they had no more pain and the other that they felt very happy after prayer. I thank you Lord that I can not only bless them by telling them about you, but that you have also given me the means to bless them financially. I pray you will sustain this in  my life. But if not, then I know even that will be a blessing!

Lord Jesus, thank you for doing a great work in me. Please have your way Lord, your way is good, my way is disappointing, too hard and tiring. Your yolk is light, and it is you who gives me rest.

Father in heaven, thank you for the revelation given to me via Scott Clarke, that the books written by Paul are for the body of Christ, Hebrews and onward is written for the Jews, to redeem them during the tribulation period. (Note to self, futher study….)

All praise be to Jesus Christ!


Good vs evil – Free will

God is a good God. He created us with a free will. And we are free to choose. Good and Evil. How free would we be if every time we wanted to go against the nature of God, He would block us? He won’t. From the beginning, He never wanted us to have to face darkness. However, if He would not have given us the choice, the opportunity to face it, we would not have been created in His likeness.

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1:27

Our first choice was given to us in the Garden of Eden. We chose to know about good and evil. Did God know we would eat of the tree of good and evil against His command? I believe so. And I believe He had His redemptive plan ready all along. By eating of the fruit of that tree we digested darkness. No longer were we beings of light. Our reality changed. Paradise (that which is void of evil) could no longer be our home as we had brought evil into our reality, could there be darkness in paradise? So we were removed and now we find ourselves in a fallen world. A world where exits both good AND evil.

Jesus reminds us that Satan is “the prince of this world” (John 12:31), Paul refers to Satan as “the god of this world, who hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine to them.” (2 Corinthians 4:4) and “the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience” (Ephesians 2:2) John makes a further distinction when he says: “We know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness” (1 John 5:19).

Thank God He did not leave us without instruction on how to deal with this world where people have access to evil and the means to manifest it in all its gruesomeness. He gave us a manual. The Bible**! First He gave direction through His prophets in the old testament. They needed to follow strict laws and perform rituals to cleanse themselves from unrighteousness in order to receive from a Holy God. You must understand, what is Holy (sacred, blessed, pure, light, loving and righteous) keeps what is unholy far from it or else it would no longer be “Holy”. But in order for all of us to be able to reconnect to him despite our “unholiness”, He provided salvation for all who dwell on the earth, the sacrifice of Himself, of his only begotten son, to cover the sins of the world, so that all who choose Him could be redeemed by His righteousness. Only then can we receive His life giving Holy Spirit, to stay and make His home within us until the end.

What does that mean? It means each of us can be led into all truth directly by God through His holy Spirit. When we pray, read the Bible and consciously seek to connect with our one creator God on His terms. For me personally this choice and journey meant I received of His peace. He changed my person. My heart has literally changed from where I preferred to stay in house on my couch to where I now love to connect with people. From where I encountered and recognized divine intervention once every few years, to where it has become my daily bread! The overwhelming peace, joy and calmness I experience even when things around me may seem to fall apart is the strongest witness for me that the Lord is guiding my every step day by day perfecting my knowledge of Him. Tweeking my understanding, my discernment through failures and victories.  It is a journey and I love it.

And so it is, that once we turn back to God and ask His forgiveness for our shortcomings and wrong doing and for the years where we put Him last on our priority list or where He was not listed at all, and we thank Him for His great love for us as shown by the greatest sacrifice of His own son Jesus Christ, that He will redeem us and give us life abundantly.

**I will not enter into a long discussion on the preservation of text and different versions of the Bible. If you wish to find God’s truth, the King James Version will help you a long way! And with the help of biblical scolars and messianic Jews who know about the culture and the rituals that the Bible refers to much will become more clear. I found some excellent teachers that reveal many mysteries hidden within scripture which I will list in the media section.

Be real, show yourself to others as you are

Today has been an amazing day, going through emotions from an ultimate low to an ultimate high.

A few weeks back I found myself thinking about a new car and googling new cars researching prices etc. I had no need for a new car, there was no reason for this sudden interest. I noticed the thought didn’t let me go. I told my husband I felt we would be needing a new car sooner than we had envisaged. Unfortunately I left it at that and took no further steps to check out our current car properly.

Today, we were all packed and ready to go on holidays when we decided to quickly have the car checked as we heard some rattling noise coming from the back right of the car. My husband took the car to the garage and I completely forgot about my thoughts those few weeks prior. I was expecting good news as the rattling sounded more like one of my kids had dropped a marble which was rolling around somewhere. To the contrary, it was bad. Some axle or rod connected to the wheel suspension was bent (ok, so cars are not my forte). We were advised against travelling.

My heart broke. My 5 year old was all geared up to go, and having to disappoint her was gruelling. And then all the wasted money and preparation, and a ferry to catch around noon! Aargh. I felt sick to my stomach. I cried a little but didn’t want my two year old to notice (the eldest was at the garage with dad). I went into prayer. Asking the Lord for wisdom for my husband and I to handle this situation well.

Thankfully I could change our ferry booking as well as the hotel reservation with limited additional cost. We did our research and found a good car an hours drive up north. A newer model than our old one, which was kind of exciting too! On our way back we stopped at what wee though would be a pancake place, but in actual fact they only served fries and snacks. At first I wanted to leave and get some proper food. But the place was really quaint and the man behind the counter was very engaging and friendly.

So we ordered our fries, and I’m so pleased we did! We got to talking and he shared with us his story of how he had recently bought the place and fixed it up. And how he was loving the flow he was in now but also looking forward to being able to take it a little more easy soon once the project had been properly set up.

I found myself concurring with him that its important to take rest now and then. And that people should more often follow their heart and do what they enjoy, that which brings them fulfilment instead of what they think they have to do in order to meet the expectations of society, family, friends etc.

He pointed out that the painting above my head, which was very dear to him, explained just that! (I’ve asked to be sent a photo of the painting, I cant remember exactly but will upload asap). It was about being genuine. About being who you really are. No facades.

This hit home to me. One of those moments when you hear yourself talking to another person and thinking, wow that’s pretty wise, I should take note myself! In accordance with my previous post I’d been taking it easy for a while. Not engaging with others about Christ as much as I used to and thereby I realised I was no longer on fire. And not being on fire takes away from my courage. And not having courage takes away my boldness to approach people to offer them prayer. And I know that THE way to rekindle that fire is simply to do the will of God. And what is his will? Well at least part of it is cleary described:

7 As you go, proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give. Matthew 10:7-8

It is the act of faith that relights the fire of Holy Spirit in you. And so I have again learnt this evening. I acted upon the words to be who I really am. And I know, I really am a child of the most high God. I, though I am female, have become a son of God the day I accepted Jesus into my heart! (Gender is not important in the spiritual realm btw). So anyhow, that means that I should act like one. So I referred to the text and explained that I regularly pray for people and offered him prayer. His face lit up. Yes he was clearly pleasantly surprised! And so I explained a little and then prayed for him. And what happened next was mind-boggling!

The music that was playing all evening were regular pop songs. At the moment I finished my prayer and I quieted myself, keeping my hands on his feet, the song that was playing in the back ground was that of Joan Osborne, “One of Us” and the verse that was sang at the moment I shut up was:

If God had a face, what would it look like?
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like Heaven and in Jesus and the saints
And all the prophets? And…

Wow! God never ceases to amaze!

We continued a very interesting conversation. Sharing past experiences and discussing manifestations of God which he had before encountered. When were done I asked him how his feet were doing, and he replied, he didn’t want to interrupt our conversation or he would have told me sooner, but his feet were now warm, whereas they had always been cold (and no, I didn’t lay my hands on in such a manner as to warm his feet…) He felt a warming sensation ever since the prayer.

Missing our boat to England has been so worth it because of this divine appointment. And the rest of the evening my heart felt like it were to explode! I felt like singing and dancing and shouting about His love from the rooftops!

Thank you Lord Jesus!




Sitting on the couch, feeling frustrated. I feel like I’m unable to walk in the Spirit and no longer confident to do the Word by myself. I’ve been obsessively trying to find out everything there is to know about God, Jesus and the spiritual reality around us. Finding many treasures and keys during my search but essentially casting them to one side as they did not satiate my hunger to know more, to understand. Not realising that these keys need to be digested. Meditated upon. I gulped them in search of the next.

Speaking with a friend of mine, whom I was honoured to baptise a few weeks ago, she asked me if I ever considered becoming a preacher. Yes I would love to use all my time to study the scripture, preach the Gospel and demonstrate the Spirit. We continued talking and I shared relevant scripture passages with her. I was at the time already overtired. I was diligently seeking the right words to help her, at the same time I did not want to burden her with some of the things I had learned. I had been researching a lot about madness in people and demons and how they manifest. I had encountered an individual who was clearly in severe bondage of a demonic nature. I prayed for the person but felt inadequate at doing so, and I felt the need to be better prepared in case it would needed again in the future. Therefore I had been reading up on peoples experiences. Really focusing on understanding the works of Satan in and through individuals, how his bondage and oppression comes to being and more importantly how it is broken. The research left me feeling burdened and it had sucked the joy out of me. It made me lose hope for some people.

My friend noticed I wasn’t my usual self, and asked me sternly if I was happy. She said she notices my eyes flashing back and forth and said It looked like my eyes were showing signs of madness themselves! And she was right. I had exerted myself. Too much too fast. I was struggling to tie it all together. Information overload and over-tiredness seemed to be getting the better of me. Not good. I agreed I needed to rest and let things rest for a few days.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Honestly it shook me a little. I felt my ego wanting to get into the defensive. But I knew she was right. In fact I had been getting hints to let it all rest but I made excuses to continue researching. I no longer was learning for the better, but more and more looked like a morbid obsession. It literaly gripped me.

Thank God for my friend. I know I would have stepped back into the positive sooner or later, but I’m glad this meeting set me back on track sooner and NOT later. So I recalled that indeed God gave me a sound mind. I needed to take control over my interests. God want us to be strong in body mind amd spirit. And so I thought I’s better focus on the body and the mind a bit more now. So I started to work out, eat properly and read a little less. Nevertheless, while I’m writing this I’m still sitting on that couch and I feel like I’m failing…

I just cried out to the Lord, why am I messing it all up? I wasn’t able to continue doing more research. I just sat quietly on this couch. Interestingly I know all will be fine, but I still feel so shitty that eventhough I truly trust I will be fine for God, I’m pissed off at myself for still messing it all up these past few weeks.

I visualised myself sifting through many pages and documents which partly disintegrated and flew about as I ravaged through them. And after some silence it was revealed unto me that I was disrespecting all the little pearls of truth that had been given to me during my research, during my search for truth. Not taking the time to meditate on them, and give some time for them to become ingrained in my memory and soul. I was acting out the role of the “swine” before which were thrown beautiful pearls and I was trampling over them trying to find the end all truth and knowledge, the bigger picture. And of course this is in fact only known by God the Father Himself. Wow what revelation. In other words, take it easy! Relax! Do what you can in the time and opportunity given to you and if it works out great, if it doesn’t learn from it, dust yourself off and continue in good spirit!

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30

And with that came the insight that I need to sit down and post more blogs. I need to write about my experiences and the revelations given to me to help me digest it all! And if you enjoy reading, great! and if it helps you out, even better! For me it is cathartic!

So in essence I started to follow my own will, or at least what I thought I needed. Instead of seeking my lessons from God through experience. I have enough head knowledge as it is. it’s walking in the faith that build the spirit. and who could be a better teacher than the Holy Spirit. He is our portion deliverer! I love it, thank you Lord!


Better a patient person than a warrior,
one with self-control than one who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.



3 prayer sessions, what a day!

It’s been a while, much has happened since my last post! And yesterday has been real amazing!

After a couple of days of doing mundane business, I was having trouble connecting with God. I had no doubt that God and Jesus were still looking out for me, but I couldn’t seem to lift my spirit, which I prayed about. My prayer even felt mechanic, without the passion I usually feel. Trusting the Lord was still leading me, I accepted the status quo in good hopes that I would be able to do Gods work in the near future.

(It’s funny where I used to experience God a few times a year and that did for me, I am now experiencing his presence at least weekly, and often daily. Going a few days without feels like desert time.)

So yesterday God moved again in a wonderful way!


A colleague whom I had spoken with about The Kingdom and the reality of God and spirituality on several occasions previously, had requested to speak with me once more. The situation they were in had become dire over the past couple of months and they asked for assistance. The person complained about having mood swings ever since they had entered into a dysfunctional relationship some years back, the mood swings had become more extreme. The person is still within the sphere of influence of the ex-partner and I was soon convinced their problems were of a spiritual nature. I listened intently and comforted as much as I could. I knew this person was going to be fine and victorious in Christ. For the sake of future reports on their development in Christ I will call this person “Agnes”. After some talk we went to a private office and prayed for her. Again I was impressed that she was in a period of transformation and would come out victorious. The Holy Spirit came over us and comfort and peace welled up within. When I walked back to my office I felt like I was embraced with Gods love, as if angels were walking besides me and I imagined them giving their protection as I made my way back into “the normal” work setting.

Now Agnes had since we last met watched the video “The beginning” of “The last Reformation” movement. I informed her I would be attending another kickstart weekend in Zelhem, The Netherlands the weekend after next. She wanted to join! Through the tears in her eyes I saw hope arise. Then I realised, that after I attended the kickstart weekend in Alkmaar, and was baptised myself, I prayed to God: “please never let me fall back in to just worldly living again!. Please God do not remove your Holy Spirit from me and lead me to do Your Will!” The next work day was the first day Agnes contacted me and our talks about God started. How wonderful that she was led to contact me again in time to come and join me, another colleague whom I will call “Cathy” and my mom. We had booked a 6 person Chalet, she fits right in!


I came back to the office where my other colleague Cathy was sitting behind her desk. She was not feeling well when I came in as if walking on cloud! I was thrilled by what had just happened. Cathy was visibly happy for me and what God had done and then started to apologise that she felt each time God moved in my life she was bringing me down. (She has been growing in understanding of God, and I have prayed for her several times, including two deliverance prayers which had set her free from chronic stomach trouble. She acknowledges this to be true and is building her relationship with God. She will be coming to the kickstart weekend in Zelhem as well and is considering baptism, which I sincerely hope she will do in order to be set free completely.) But here she was identifying a pattern that she would be down when I was on a God given “high”. I recognise the Devils work, trying to cause for a division, for my patience to run out with her, but it will not. As God himself has been patient with me for years and years on end, so to will I be patient with others. She was instantly comforted and we discussed what was troubling her in order to pray against it effectively. And what happened next was extremely interesting!

She said she felt like she didn’t have any emotions. She didn’t feel anything. She then commented, “I’m not depressed or anything”. I fell for it at first and asked whether the term “”lethargy” might be more concise. She confirmed and we stood up to pray. I commanded the spirit of lethargy to go in Jezus mighty name. I continued with more general prayer. I did not feel any specific sensation or change but I ran out of words and did not feel comfortable enough to continue in tongues. We sat down, she thanked me for my prayer, but I already felt it had not had much or any result. Then she stared to tell me about a recent phone call with her mom. Her mom had spoken to a depressed person and during the conversation with Cathy asked her out of the blue whether or not Cathy might be depressed. Cathy told me that that sentence hit her in her being. She denied, but informed me she had felt awkward. Now this is really interesting for me. Her mother loves her very much and would never have purposely passed on an nasty spirit in any way. However, as Cathy is growing in Christ and her light is starting to shine more and more brrightly, the Devil will try to prevent her from coming to Lord even more intently. So what happened here is that the Devil used the “utterance of words” to oppress herl. This spirit of depression had no complete hold over her as she is growing in her understanding of and has accepted Christ, but it was still able to influence her with a symptom of depression, lethargy. This struck us and we immediately stood up again for prayer. This time I spoke directly to the spirit of depression and immediately the atmosphere lifted, and we got the giggles. We just had to rejoice and praise the Lord it was that powerful! Wow!!! This experience contained such a valuable lesson!


That evening I went to visit a friend, Fiona, I had not spoken to for a while. Both of us having young kids, there isn’t much time to arrange get-togethers, let alone get-togethers where we can actually talk in between diaper changing and nose wiping :). This evening we finally had time to catch up!

I shared my experiences of baptism and everything that had happened in between. She was interested having searched for God in the past and taken part in bible studies. She had not however, seen the works of God made manifest as I was telling her about. At the end of sharing my testimony and explaining where the bible commands us (Christians) to

Heal the sick, raise the dead, cure those with leprosy, and cast out demons. Give as freely as you have received! Matthew 10:8

I offered to pray for her. I asked her what she was struggling with in life. She answered “insecurity” and “striving for perfection”. I commended the spirit of insecurity to go, and the striving for perfection to go as perfection is of God. She said she felt something in her chestbone just above the stomach. Prayed again and it was gone. I prayed over her to be cleansed and set free from oppression completely inn Jesus name. I asked her if she would on her own faith accept Jesus into her heart and she did, she asked Him to forgive her, and to come into her heart. The air became energetic, The Holy spirit came over us so strong. Her face became so soft, angelic looking by lack of better description, no tension in her face, no stress. The peace came over her, it was so clear! So beautifull! We hugged. We couldn’t stop hugging and thanking the Lord. She sat down and the peace of God surrounded us. It was beautiful.

I pray this feeling of security, hope, love, peace and understanding on all people! This is given unto all, by the Grace of God who gave us His son Jesus, the perfect lamb, to die for us on the Cross. This gift of salvation which frees us from sin, sin which keeps us from God, is free for us to accept! We can choose life, choose to love God through loving, and fellowship with, His son. Honest and true fellowship. Speaking to Him and confiding in Him even more so than you would to your best friend! I speak out loud to Him where and whenever I’m alone. And yesterday after this full day of prayer, I was singing and rejoicing and speaking in tongues, praising the Lord! My Jesus! My Lord! And yours if you will accept Him!